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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

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Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The suspect appeared in courtroom dressed up in a grayish striped suit , matching tie and a military hood -- which he removed once he sat down.

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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

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Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

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If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

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Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

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I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

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Some times its hard to be a man.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

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I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Why don't you write books people can read?

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

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If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Deference to post author, some good entropy.

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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I am not young enough to know everything.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

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In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

You made some decent points there. I looked on the internet for the topic and found most people will approve with your blog.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Superb This was very soon.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Last week I discovered some shingle symptoms on my waist. Me read, them can be very hurting and I feel terror. Can someone drop me some tip how to treat them?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

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I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

You lost me, friend. I mean, I imagine I get what youre indicating. I have an understanding of what you're saying, but you just appear to have forgotten that you will find some other persons in the world who view this issue for what it really is and may well not agree with you. You may possibly be turning away a lot of folks who may have been lovers of your blog.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

I read your blog all the time and I upstanding trifle I'd put about watch over up the decorous cultivate!

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

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If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

I assume from your milieu commonly and I ethical rationality I'd say jail up the fitting commission!

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

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Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Awesome news indeed. My teacher has been seeking for this info.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

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